Estoy confusa, de vuelta a mis contradicciones. Estoy un poco harta de volver a los mismos puntos críticos del ciclo, de la etapa o de la luna y de repetirme aquí con ellos. No se si prefiero el bullir de mis sesos o la apatía y el ansia sin capricho. No avanzo, no gano –algún kilito desde que fumo sólo 6 cigarros al día-, voy perdiendo. Pierdo gente, capacidad, recuerdos, agilidad. Me paso el día sentada comiendo monedas rojas y fresas y haciendo lo de siempre. Me paso la noche tumbada en el sofá bebiendo zumo y mirando lo de siempre.
Ayer pensaba en arreglarlo todo dejando el curro, siendo valiente y buscando algo nuevo, pero tengo la certeza de no servir para nada nuevo. Sería lo mismo pero peor: maquetación de catálogos sobre material odontológico con nombres como “Eyectores de saliva”, “Pasta para profilaxis” con fotos detalladas del proceso y el uso. O el display fantabuloso de una crema para hemorroides con la síntesis gráfica de una hinchazón clamando alivio. Y no sé,... podría servir para bailar por ejemplo, apuntarme a una escuela de baile moderno -como en UPA, esa serie que no veo- y no tener para comer, y currar de camarera en un bar los findes, y presentarme a castings para una obra de teatro y frustrarme y llorar, pero con motivo. Un motivo agresivo que me arrastre casi sin pensar, no este pseudo-descontento confuso del aburrimiento y la cobardía.
O podría tocarme el cuponazo.
Deberes para mañana: me vas a poner un post con 50 cosas buenas que te hayan pasado en todo el día. Sé que te va a costar, así que cuando te vayas quedando sin argumentos, vas bajando el criterio de "bueno" (pero sin cinismos, jodía!).
¿Aceptas el reto?
50!!! Pero eso son muchas cosas, nunca me pasan tantas cosas! vamos ni malas ni buenas ni regulares... quieres decir?, no será por lo que he dicho de mis capacidades? tanto entreno de golpe no se yo...mmm vaaale, acepto.
Pongo aquí la primera:
1-Le doy el número 1 a la sonrisa que me ha arrancado el tipo verde al leer su comment
Y la segunda:
2-Y el 2 a la sonrisa sonrojada que me ha vuelto a arrancar al releerlo después de haber escrito por primera vez el punto 1 -que en el primer intento me había quedado algo cínico-
Mañana va a ser un día duro mejor que duerma algo, aaaaisss.
Cuidadin con el cuponazo.
Si te lo juegas a medias con alguien corres el riesgo de que, al huir con el cupón ganador, te quiten el premio por avariciosa. (Has visto la noticia ?)
Consejo: empieza las comidas por el postre.
Mucho ánimo.
Buscate unas oposiciones que te motiven... con que te motiven un poco es suficiente... depués apruebalas. Cuando recuperas tu tiempo las cosas estan como más iluminadas.
Posteado por: fatalidad el 14 Noviembre de 2003 a las 09:08Pues yo, en cuanto vuelva el buen tiempo, me pienso tirar en paracaídas.
Mucho mejor que una oposición, vamos...
Te aseguro que trabajar los fines de semana en un bar no es nada del otro mundo y además te saldrán varices o algo por el estilo. Estoy de acuerdo con Germán, mejor que cambiar tu vida es que veas los aspectos positivos que tienes ahora mismo.
Posteado por: Anakinet el 14 Noviembre de 2003 a las 09:47Ei, persona, ¡arriba ese ánimo!
Si no juegas no te toca, pero también te puedes dedicar ahorrar.
¿Es que empezar un "blog" no es ya un cambio?
Venga, venga, que lo que los comentarios que me preceden ya han dicho el secreto: mirar las partes positivas de tu vida. ¡Y yo creo que hay mucho de positivo (vaca y gata a parte)!
Por lo menos una vez al día hay que tomarselo con calma, respirar hondo, cerrar los ojos y no pensar en nada. O mirar lo que pasa por ahí, fijarse en esas pequeñas cosas en las que no nos fijamos nunca.
Hay mucha gente que daría su brazo por vivir en tu ciudad, y muchos más se cortarían alegremente sus extremidades inferiores con tal de trabajar donde tú trabajas (yo no, a mi me gustan mis piernas). Ah, y cuantas suspirarían al saber que ahí está "él", ese individuo que vive contigo que igual te hace de sparring que de... hmmm ¿programador? xD
Y nada de cobardía (si no yo sería el más cobarde de todos, jarl). Cuando andas por el camino que es la vida no hace falta que te vayas campo a través, basta con andar siempre con los ojos bien abiertos, atento hasta el fin.
La solución está más cerca de lo que crees, en tu estantería: leete Buda ya, ¡leñe! Y "verás".
PD: Esto le resta credibilidad al comentario, pero me pongo paranoico de vez en cuando. Te envié un mail esta semana, ¿lo recibiste? Era sobre el examen, si no lo tienes te lo reenvio.
Patetico comentario... off
Posteado por: Garuda el 14 Noviembre de 2003 a las 14:13Hey, no dejes ese curro.
O volaré los bares donde te contraten.
(no sé yo si esto vale para dar ánimos.)
Sin ánimo de tocar las narices, ¿las otras 48 cosas? ;P
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